Myspace...wtf!

Ok, so I told myself I would never go back on Myspace, but I did. I have not been on there for a few years, but a friend of mine recently convinced me. It's seem kind of cool to go back actually, I see my old friends are still there and some new ones as well... right on! Life is funny in the sense that you sometimes go back to what once made you think, "oh, this is bullshit". I guess the time that has gone by seems to have "healed" some hurt feelings I had. Life is what you make of it, so don't take it so serious that you lose your sense of humor. We all laugh when someone gets hurt from a fall, don't we? You have to laugh too, I always do...

A little venting session

I have come to a conclusion about clubs/bars...straight clubs suck, gay clubs rock. I don't get it.

Straight clubs- over priced weak ass drinks, horrible music, and everyone is dressed in the latest fashionable clothing lines. No one talks to you unless you are dressed like a whore with tons of make-up and little to no clothing. Or they wait till they are good and drunk and horny, that even a fire hydrant looks good to them. Sheeeeeeeeeesh!

Gay clubs- drinks are good, tasty and strong, the music is awesome and keeps you up on the dance floor, and everyone talks and wants to dance with you...regardless of what you are wearing. They want to get to know you. Fun, fun, fun!

I am bisexual, so I have frequented both types of clubs and I have noticed the differences....I just wish I could find a club that is excepting of both gay and straight people. That would be so awesome. People need to take off their blinders and see everyone for who they are and not for what they are.

awe, Mr. M

He was good to me, made me feel right, that night before his flight.
All he wanted was my love and my time
I gave him everything that was mine
He took it all without decline
I couldn't help but feel that I would not see him again
perhaps that this was the end
I was happy that we had what we had
even if it wasn't that deep
I caught myself looking over at him
while we laid there falling asleep
I was going to miss him...
his face, his smile, his taste, his scent
Atleast I do have that...
the memories that we made

Imagination

I wish I was sitting on a mountain top looking at towards the ocean.
Feeling the breeze of the air on my skin, through my hair.
Taking in the bitterness of the salt water around me.
Feeling the slight burn of the sun on my skin.
Hearing the seagulls above me singing softly while rummaging for food.
I would sit looking up with my eyes closed toward the sun
taking in everything around me, filling up all my senses.
This would be bliss to me...
I am happy that my mind can take me there, even if my body can't.

Sweet Words for Daniel

My new muse inspired me...

If I could give you the world, would you take it from me?
A sweet whisper-"yes"- is all I need
You fill me with desire, you make me feel good
I would do the same, if I only could
To kiss your lips, taste your skin
To hear you moan my name again
That would mean the world to me...

Impressions

Some guys try so hard to impress and to no avail...

Impress me with your thoughts
sunsets and infinite dreams
make me want again
Impress me with your touch
love me all night
make me hot again
Impress me with your words
so sweet and sincere
make me lie again
Impressed me with your ways...
RIPPED ME OFF AGAIN

Think positive

Sometimes I worry too much, we all do...

She moves slowly like the clouds
Waiting for her inner demons to come out
"Would you like to take this opportunity to talk
to me, would you like to tell me your dreams"?
Why can't they leave her alone, just let here be
she is so consumed by these
"Maybe if I lie, they will go away!"
Highly doubtful, she agrees
Thoughts/feelings eating at her
Worrying for nothing
Negativity will do that to you

An Ode to My Pillow..

Last year when I hurt my back and I was literally out of commission for 5 weeks, I became close to a dear friend of mine whom helped me in my recovery...

I keep you secure
You keep me safe
You feel so good when your pressed between my legs
When I look down, I don't frown
I thank you every night
for making me feel alright!

(I love you pillow)

remember to sleep with a pillow between your legs to relieve the pressure on your lower back

Never again...

I'm was drunk. I could barely look at his face, because I didn't want to. He was nice enough I suppose, but not what I really wanted, just a sad substitute for the night. His words to me were stupid and selfish. My motives for being there were like his words to me...pathetic. I just wanted to get what I came for and go home to my own bed, alone, to pass out. I needed sleep. What the fuck was I thinking?!? He felt familiar to me, like he did so many years before, but different at the same time. I guess time does change people. He tried so hard, but he couldn't even get a drop out of me, I just wasn't there. I closed my eyes, picturing other people that I would rather have wanted to be with, but to no avail. He kept saying those words to me, over and over. I just wanted him to shut up. (Make some noises, but no words please). I did the only thing that I could to get it over with, I faked it!...arhhh. He came and I left. He had no clue...sad.

just observations/opinions

Rain drops fall so slowly in the dark
Blood feels as hot as its color
Sweat makes the skin glisten
Rough textures are exciting
Smooth surfaces are cold
Hair looks better when its dirty
Pineapples make cum taste sweeter
Paper cuts are more painful than a knife
Lemons sting and burn
Whispers are sexy
Lies suck, the truth hurts...if you let it
Music will put a smile on your face no matter what mood you are in
Black is evil, White is pure...not true in my opinion
Dreams are messages from the unconscious mind
Sex and chocolate make your endorphins dance
Zippers have YKK embedded on them
Charlie Brown is an old man in a little boy's body
Loving someone is easy
Loving them unconditionally is hard
Water dries out wood...but
Trees need water to survive
People look skinnier in person
Writing is therapeutic....:)

Valentine's day

I had a wonderful Valentine's day date a few years ago, I wrote this about it...

You greet me with a smile and a kiss on the cheek
There goes my heart again, melting so deep
You press your face against mine, tell me how much you miss me
I love the way your skin feels pressed against mine
Can't wait for you to be inside
You surprise me with a key to "our place"...
At last, we are alone, face to face
Tell me your secrets, wants, and desires
I can do anything you want me to
If only for a few hours
I love how you taste as I take you in
I look into your eyes as your mouth opens
You look so happy, so content
At last my love, it's me again
The woman that makes you feel like a man
or the little boy that likes to pretend
I'll play along, I like this game
"You've been a bad boy"...shame, shame, shame
Lets play another of lovers in bed
Slow and deep at first, then rough and hard towards the end
I wish I could spend more time with you...
My lover, my friend

young men/older women

I was definetly thinking of the young men that I have had the pleasure of being with when I wrote this....

YOUR A LIAR!
Damn it, I'm still on fire!
That beautiful face, that certain smile
What's wrong with me
I fall for it every time
Why can't I just say NO and walk away
You put your hand on my face, then kiss my mouth
I give in so easily
"I'm stronger than that"!
So I tell myself...but there you are again
With that sweet grin
What is it about younger men and their attraction to older women?
Is it how they look, feel, or fuck
Maybe the confidence in not asking for much
NO committments? that's ok...
A relationship? no way!...
Lets play a game, lets pretend
Say you love me and I will do the same
Lovers for the night...or maybe a weekend?

my thoughts

There are things about me that you will never know
Things that I will never show
Secret thoughts that I have buried deep in my soul
Only to be revealed to myself and no one else
I know that I am not the only one to feel like this
Call it what you wish
Just be careful who you confide in
No one knows for sure what the other person is thinking
Perhaps the same thoughts that you have....

the beach

This is the first picture I took when I got my digital camera. I snapped it at the pier in Santa Monica, CA. It was a cold, cloudy day, but no rain. I love my camera!

a friend

I like to write poetry, not sure if I am good at it or not...doesn't really matter as long as I like them, right? I get a kick out of trying to rhyme words...I wrote this one about a young man that I have become fond of...

Take me to our secret place
To your sweet face, your warm embrace
The sight of you makes me smile
A sweet pain that I love to feel
Whenever you are near
I long to taste your body and make you mine
If only for a little while
I don't want to let you go, when you are inside
It feels like heaven every time
No one knows for sure what we do, the words we speak
Every time, you make me weak....

my first

wow, where do I start. I haven't blogs anything since I had Myspace, which was sometime ago. I thought I would give this a shot and see how it makes me feel. I do love to write in journals and write poetry, this is just another format for doing such a thing. I guess I should start off by writing what is going on in my head at the moment. I am always thinking about life and it's challenges, as well as all the beautiful things it has to offer. I seem to find myself "observing" people more these days, and encountering alot of negativeness coming from them, it might be due to the fact that I read "self-help" books and I tend to apply what I read in others as well as myself. I also have become more excepting of what awaits me in what I do and in the decisions I make. I had a conversation the other day with a friend of mine about how people want and seek revenge in others "wrong doings" to them. I have to admit that when I was younger I felt that way, as we all do when we are young, sensitive and naive, but as I got older...why bother with such negative thoughts. I can say with honestly now that I hold no ill feelings to those that have hurt me in the past, all i wish for them is to have a good healthy, loving life. I see it this way, when you have a relationship with someone and they do something awful to you, whether it be cheat, steal, or lie, and all you want is to have them hurt...it takes away all the wonderful, amazing times you did have with them and makes everything ugly, instead of cherishing what you did have, you are destroying the memories, feelings, and thoughts you both once shared. Why do that? ( The past is history, the future a mystery, and today is a gift...that is why it is called the present)